I want to tell you about my job. How I lie, cheat and steal. How I sell my soul almost daily and earn close to nothing for the ethical turmoil. I want you to feel the distress in my writing. I want you to hate me for what I do and love the fact I'm good at it. I want to be the antagonist. I want you to feel no sympathy yet wanting to know more. I want you to know how I can make money appear and your home disappear in a few clicks of my mouse. I want you to know I try to be moral. I don't want you to believe me. I want you to see a piece of humanity in me when I actually do the right things for the right reasons. I want you see how rare that is.
I want to tell you how how motherhood is for me. How I love my child yet resent almost weekly. I want you to identify and scream "ME TOO!" I want to tell you all the things we deal with and how strong I think I am. I want you to feel sorry we have rough times. I want you to love us and feel a part of our family. I want to update you on doctor visits and new diagnosis. I want to tell you funny things my child says and the bad things he does. I want you laughing at our mishaps and crying over our troubles.
I want you to know I'm sober. How I wish I wasn't and yet love the life of recovery I live. I want you to be curious how I got here and why I choose to get clean. I want to you agree it's for the better but secretly hope to hear a war story. I want you to hate who I used to be and love me for who I hope to become.